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Stalling and Clutter-free

January 16, 2010

Well, here I am watching others design and construct garments on television when all I have done is tumble ideas around in my head all afternoon, day, week…I found myself doing busy work, but nothing productive and creative. Productive, maybe…creative, no.

My studio has been in a state of upheaval for a full week, and I do believe it reflects my state of mind as well. Not an hour goes by when I am not mulling a new project, a new career, a new way to express myself – but fragmented; and all this while we are completing this overhaul of the studio which coincides with my recent unemployment, the unusually chilly weather keeping us cooped up and seeking indoor projects, and the New Year full of resolutions and traditional clutter removal! It appears the clutter removal includes as much spiritual as dust and files this year.

My achievements in the studio include a new set of track lights to illuminate another task area where I found myself squinting too often over dark fabrics on the ironing board; cleaning and reorganizing eight years of collectibles and memorabilia – dust collectors; an audit of my patterns and supplies, and the crowning glory achievement: Reclaiming my desk armoire. In the process of this monumental overhaul, I’ve made a few discoveries. I found some lost tickets, a two-year old coupon for a massage that I really deserve now, a discount at our favorite restaurant, and a number of epiphanies.

I realize I can survive, and in fact, flourish on my own and it’s okay to do so. I don’t have to make sure everyone is okay before I take care of myself. I really do have some great girlfriends with whom I have just not taken the time to nurture relationships – and I should, and I better get my rear in gear to get that job and lose a good twenty pounds right now. I also know I miss my grandkids but can still lead a fulfilling life until they come back to us. I realize I have the greatest guy in the world for my husband! All this while vacuuming up those pesky loose shredded paper pieces that missed the trash bin during my marathon shredding episode.

My room is almost – almost – ready. Does this mean I’m ready to focus? Take on the world? I love my studio and find it is the best place to brainstorm, create, relax, and become introspective…do I hide there as well? Hmmm. This would not be a good thing now. When hubby asked me to run to the store with him today, I balked and gravitated to my room with the excuse to keep this momentum going. I must explore this and make sure I am using my favorite space to inspire the best of me rather than stifle my potential. I have potential left in me, and I’m now beginning to be able to bring it to the forefront.

Next up…ideas for prosperity.

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