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Grands ’10

To everyone else, please indulge me on this page. I have three lovely grandchildren with whom I want to maintain some sort of connection, so I thought I’d just write to them in a venue they can access whenever it strikes them. To you it will most likely be meaningless so don’t feel badly if you click away from this page. It’s meant for the grand kids – they’ll get it.

To my cherished grand kids — specifically the ones who don’t see us regularly — we love you and miss you. I think this is an ideal way to share the goings on that are of more interest to you than what’s on my other pages about the studio these days. I hope you’ll visit this page often.

My Dear Grandchildren;

It’s early spring – but you can’t tell as the weather is still so chilly, even for Northern Florida! I keep avoiding getting out in the yard to do the real work. Of course, you know my complete disconnect with gardening and landscaping. I appreciate and admire it, but have no desire to spend my time digging, planting, and then digging up when it withers. I’m all about planning, designing landscapes, and choosing plantings. Ah…that is a beautiful thing. I just don’t want to divert myself from all the creative activities (in my studio!) and the beach. It’s coming though. I will soon need to get out there and tackle the winter kill, prune the errant branches from trees and bushes, and replenish the mulch. The reward will be that splurge on plants and planning! Yeay! It would be so nice to have you here to help with all of this. You’re so much better at it than I…I’ll be watching for you. πŸ˜‰

As with each of the past number of years, I am again pretending to be an athlete and have tackled a running schedule and registered for the Gate River Run. Actually, my run last night was marvelous! No, really! I ran really well – like an athlete. It was my best run of the season and I am feeling ready. Anthonee, I always thought you’d run with us one day. This would be such a great year as we have a pretty good team forming. What fun it would be.

Back to the studio – somewhat. I am eying all the great dresses for spring and have decided to finish the one dress in the queue with your name on it Erin – you remember – it’s the one inspired by Eyore that we diverted from.Β  I’m going to finish it just in case you have occasion to wear it. I know you will since you are so good at styling! Then I’ll choose the one I like best for a birthday dress for you as well. I sure don’t want to break with tradition! It’s so much fun to make your dresses now that you’ve hit the fashionista years! I have my fingers crossed that this one will be the best one yet!

It’s time to get the pool in shape for swim season and I am more than ready! The swim suits are on display in the stores so we are adding to the stockpile of suits for visitors to the pool. The towels are fluffed and ready as well. I’m going to make a few trips to Pinch a Penny to get some ideas for this year’s pool activities. I’m thinking we definitely need the pool volleyball to replace water polo. Triston really wants a Star Wars pool boat…I think it’s going to be fun! And Noodles! Our favorite.

My days are filled with such fun memories of each of you — it makes me smile to recall all the fun things we enjoy. We hope you are having more good times and doing well in school. We look forward to hearing from you everyday!

All of our love to you!

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22 Comments leave one →
  1. March 16, 2010 11:16 pm

    My Dear Grands,

    I couldn’t get you off my mind today so I thought I’d leave you with a note to tell you how much I love and miss each of you. To see you and feel invisible to you was a most heart breaking moment for me. All I wanted was to reach out and hug each of you one by one and ignore the world around us so you would know only that we love you. I sat quietly and watched you fill the time with light-hearted conversation and playful moments stealing glances our way when you thought no one would chastise you for it. Those glances warmed my heart but I sat still so as to maintain calm.

    I daydream every moment about when we will pick up where we left off and erase any of the time that is growing between us. As I shared with a good friend, you are forever my grandchildren whom I love dearly. My heart, arms, and door are always open to you – and I double check regularly to see if you’re on your way. I love you.

  2. April 2, 2010 12:40 am

    It’s almost Easter weekend, and many of our family are getting together for a fun Easter dinner at your Great-grandparents’ house. When I think back to all the Easter egg hunts in our yard, how much fun I had putting together your Easter surprises full of candy and beach toys, and the day full of smiles and giggles, it makes me want every day to be Easter with you! I am waiting to hear if you’ll join us this time. We love you and miss you, and sure would like a little bit of your sunshine on our Easter garden party! Love, Grammie

  3. April 22, 2010 10:24 pm

    Dear Erin,
    Happy Birthday! I wondered how I’d feel today, the first birthday we don’t have you close to us. I guess my tears are exhausted and now I just feel a deep melancholy for times past and a bright hope for future good times. Our door is open to welcome you the moment you have the courage to love again. We wish you the best birthday – but we know it cannot be complete without including everyone who loves you – everyone. I know you laugh and play along pretending all is well, but we know better – it’s not – but it can be repaired, recovered. We are right here waiting for you. We love you and wish you a Happy Birthday Erin!

  4. June 3, 2010 10:26 am

    I miss you. I have had moments of immense and overwhelming longing for you. Tonight I listened and watched a concert on t.v. with James Taylor. When he began singing You’ve Got A Friend I cried thinking of you three and the lost moments for you and your Dad, for you and us your grand parents. The lost future you could have had. I am so overwhelmed with sadness tonight that I want to just reach out and pull you to me for hugs and kisses. Just a moment to forget all that has transpired to reach back in time and start over. To love you. I love you. I miss you and I’m here…always will be. Just waiting.

  5. June 19, 2010 11:35 am

    Well, happy summer to each of you! School is out and you’re free to hang out, relax, lounge around, and plan for adventures. We miss you and wish you a wonderfully carefree summer vacation. I thought of you when the neighbor kids were all receiving their honors and certificates for achievements, and wondered how you did this year in school — did you make the honor roll, stand smiling on the stage to receive certificates of achievement, excel in a sport, wave your report cards in reverie? I’m sure you did. We congratulate you from afar on all your hard work and want you to know we are proud of you.

    I daydream about how you will while away the summer days. Swimming, reading, playing video games, playing a team sport in the community…I also daydream of all the summer days we shared with you and look forward to when we can do so again.

    Our summer is blossoming into an adventure. We are going on a vacation to tour the historic sites in Philadelphia, along with the great restaurants, and the garment district where I plan to have a shipment of new materials for my studio! If you let me know what you would love to have made for school or summer, I’m on it!

    We got some new floating chairs for the pool and plan to battle the Florida weather floating in the pool every chance we get. We are so excited for our annual block party for Independence Day. Grandpa is again one of the pyrotechnics for the event. I am making a new red, white, and blue outfit for the picnic and fireworks. You are of course invited since I know how much you’ve enjoyed it in the past! You know when and where it is — we’ll look for you.

    We love you and miss you, and look forward to seeing you. Think about it — the ball’s in your court.

  6. July 4, 2010 2:59 am

    Today is our annual block party culminating a week of disappointments cloaked in holidays. Father’s Day was the first day of a string of melancholy dates. As it approached I found myself longing to have the old days back when you celebrated your Dad, Grandpa, and Great Grandpa. We have confidence that you silently still hold a place in your hearts where you can go and feel your love for them. We didn’t do anything to celebrate the day – because you are not in it.

    Grandpa’s birthday was next, and we did have an impromptu dinner with your Dad and his girlfriend whom we really like. We work hard to have a nice time and ignore the dramatic shift in how we do things.

    Now it’s the block party. Of course we are going. Grandpa is one of the key people making it a “blast”. I did actually share the invitation with a few people, and do look forward to seeing them as always, but holidays are now just a day to highlight the emptiness you’ve left us with therefore I don’t look forward to them.

    As always, I’ll watch for you to show up. Wish for you to have a great 4th of July. And I’ll keep our promise made to you all that time ago when you begged us to keep things the same no matter what. No changes here. You are invited and welcome. We are meeting at the end of the street, sharing good food, good times, and great fireworks. There are sparklers and dancing awaiting you, and more people than you can imagine wondering if you’ll be here. If you change your mind, we are still here – as always. We love and miss you, and look forward to getting our holidays back on track.

    Happy Fourth of July.

  7. July 21, 2010 12:12 pm

    Ahh – I miss you. You’ve been on my mind a great deal lately, and I spend a lot of time thinking about the things we could be doing. I then sit and browse through the many photos I have of you doing all the fun things we used to do. It makes me smile, then cry, then smile. I don’t want to see these months turn into years. I don’t want to be sorry for lost time. We’re here. Looking forward to seeing you, and making up for lost time. Don’t grow up too quickly —

  8. July 27, 2010 11:24 am

    Every where I turn I am reminded of you – each of you, all three of you – in the every day things I see, read, touch, or do. Sponge Bob Square Pants wii game that you like to play, your swim suits folded and ready, the goggles you grab to jump in the pool, the blanket in which you wrap yourself to watch t.v., your favorite stuffed animals, the train set we gave you for your birthday, the lip gloss you left in the bathroom, the pictures you drew for us, your favorite cheesy grits that you ask Grandpa to make, sweet tea: your first and favorite cold drink, the Tylenol Jr. we keep on hand, (right beside the Jr. tampons), the fabric I got for your shorts, shirt, and dress; the costumes we wore at Disney, the books we read together, your flash cards, the dolls you play with, your dragon in an egg, the twine and bead necklace in the medicine chest, the shelves where your things were, the sleeping bags you use when you spend the night, the Disney ticket stubs from our trips, your first grade photos, the lipstick stain on the bedroom floor when you ran and played with it, the bikes Grandpa built for you, the golf clubs collecting dust, the bike seat you used to ride in, your car seat, the jump ropes and roller blades you’ve outgrown, the floor cushions I made for you to watch t.v., the pool toys that never get wet anymore, the fishing poles you use in the pond, your beach towels, the baby spoons and fish dishes from your toddler days, the sponge puzzle you still love to do, the over-sized legos. Every where I turn I see you. Each of you, all three of you. I am happy, sad, mad, and glad. We miss you. Then, of course, I can’t help but begin to go through all of our old photos – not that long ago for some – to reminisce over our favorite times.

    I am hopeful we will make new memories. I am mad that I have to wait this out. I’m mad you are taken from us, but no matter what, we are here for you. Waiting, with love.

    I have been listening to other grandparents share their summer adventures with their grand kids, and it only reinforces my disappointment and sadness over being kept from you. Hurry! Summer’s almost over! Let’s do something fun. Love you, miss you!

  9. August 3, 2010 11:41 am

    We were in Orlando this weekend – and of course, we ended up at Disney, but guess what? No theme park tickets this time. It was weird. We went to visit some friends who were out relaxing in their condo the same time we were doing the same in ours. As we drove through the Disney World entrance I became excited just like always. Grandpa and I talked about all of our favorite visits with you; about our first visit, our Halloween Parties, and how much fun it always is. I love the fireworks, don’t you? This time though, we also talked about how different this year will be. We decided we are going – no matter what. We are afraid we are going by ourselves — unless you come around…and then we’ll be right here waiting.

    We also visited a number of stores in the malls there. We talked about school shopping and all the things we look forward to getting for you: new paper, markers, backpacks, shoes, clothes, jackets. It’s all so much fun. We will not be doing that this year. It’s two weeks until school, and more than a year since you’d go shopping with us. I doubt anyone enjoys it as much as we do – or does a better job of it!

    I was angry for a bit, then just sad. Now I wonder if you think about all you are missing. We are still here and haven’t changed a bit. How about you?

    We love you and miss you — and we are sure saving a lot of money these days. I think we are going to plan a special vacation just for the two of us! Thank you. Love, Grammie

  10. August 20, 2010 12:43 pm

    Dear Grands – Your Dad’s birthday has come and gone. It was a very nice day for us, and made very special for him by those closest to him. At the end of it all, when I was alone at the end of the day, I realized I was feeling a shadow of melancholy beneath all the happiness in seeing him happy. My sadness – disappointment really – comes from the reminder that you are not here. Our memories of all the happy times we’ve shared for all of your Dad’s birthdays, as with all of our celebrations, should be ongoing. We are still celebrating, missing those days with you, and looking forward to picking up where we left off.

    We’re still here. We still love you. And we miss you – the you we remember. Your Dad had a very happy birthday – it’s too bad you missed it. Love, Grammie

  11. August 29, 2010 10:09 pm

    Dear Grands – School has now been underway for about a week here, and it is the first year we have been excluded from the hoopla of “back to school”. I miss those shopping sprees for new stuff, you begging and me trying to stay on budget; the last minute scramble to run and get your school supplies back to your house in time for you to go. I guess the only good thing is we saved a lot of money this time. It was weird not talking to you after your first day to hear all about your new teachers, new classroom, and old friends you caught up with. I hope your back to school adventure was a good one, and that you are looking forward to a good year and good grades.

    We took a day trip yesterday to see your Great Grandma Gray for her birthday. Remember how cold Grandpa keeps the car when we drive to Georgia, and we use the beach towels as blankets for the trip? I missed your steady stream of typical road trip complaints. Instead we listened to an audio book.

    It’s always nice to see Grandma Gray. She is very sad to have lost you, as we are. It was very strange to see all her 29 great grandchildren growing up through pictures sitting next to yours that have you frozen at ages ten, nine, and six. One of the last photos she has of you three is from our last trip to Disney where you are all smiling, standing under a sign that reads “lost children”. Grandma asked after you and wants to know if she will ever see you. Considering her age and your attitude, I left that question unanswered.

    Aunt Nita came by to visit with us and brought us up to date with your cousins’ activities: Lauren is in cross country and with school starting, so does training. She’s worn out every day but loves it. She’s excited about high school! Since she’s your age Anthonee, we got a little glimpse through her stories of yours. Sean and Anna both love their new classes. Sean just went on a deep sea fishing trip and found he loves this too – although he was a little seasick. Samantha has gotten a part time job to support her desire to drive, and Sarah is busy, busy, busy with her friends – just like you Erin. They all say hello and were disappointed to hear we have low expectations you’ll join us for the family Christmas party.

    Not a day goes by when current activities don’t remind me of our good times together. Driving home in the dark I found myself glancing in the mirror but finding no sleeping faces in the back seat. Stopping at your favorite dinner spots, I noticed all the other grandparents with grands in tow. I worked very hard to keep my tears in check while Grandpa slept beside me. I don’t like to upset him with my sadness.

    I hope your school year is off to a good start. I long to hear from you any news of your goings-on. We love you and miss you. My tears are for you, and my heart will mend only when we recover and pick up where we left off with love and affection. Love, Grammie

  12. September 3, 2010 8:29 pm

    Good morning kids! I woke up thinking of you so I thought I’d catch up a little. Uncle Cory is visiting us for about a week from San Francisco. It’s always so nice to see him. We had so much fun last night by going to the Jags pre season game. I was given some great tickets – and a parking pass! It would have been fun to have you there…After the game we went down to the drum line to hear them close out the night. They are so fun! Stephanie was with us and took some great pictures. Grandpa did not go, but sent us a timely text telling us to look up at just the right time to see the group of EA6Bs do their fly-over. He’s so proud of his planes! Remember when he took you to see them at Whidbey Island? It was way before Triston was born of course – but you had a good time with us. Triston is hooked on the planes where Grandpa works, and we like taking you there too. We should do it again some time.

    It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, it seems I have you on my mind. I imagined you last night walking up the ramp with me and cheering on the Jags. You’re always in my heart. I love you forever.

  13. September 9, 2010 8:36 pm

    Dear Anthonee, Erin, Triston;
    The weather feels as though it’s changing a little, and that makes me think of our annual trip to Disney for the Halloween Party. We have plans to go the weekend of October 16th. We have a condo lined up and we’re buying tickets soon. Remember all the costumes we’ve had in the past? We still have the picture on our shelf from our first year. I will ride Goofy’s Barnstormer over and over for you Triston; and Anthonee – I always smile thinking of you not wanting to go into the haunted house; and Erin, remember when Prince Charming made you smile from ear to ear? I do. We always have so much fun together. Grandpa is already talking about taking on Buzz Lightyear first.

    Maybe it’s the Disney trip that has you on my mind so immensely these days. I’ve been almost overwhelmed with aching feelings of longing to spend time with you on the happy things we do. It would be so nice to hear some little news of your school progress, what’s going on with friends, and if you like your new house. We see yours is empty and overgrown with weeds.

    Our door is always open, and we wait to hear from you with love and longing for the good old days. Love Grammie.

  14. September 13, 2010 12:50 am

    Dear Anthonee, Erin, and Triston;

    In honor of Grandparents Day I thought I’d reach out to you and tell you we love you – forever. We know you only hear negative things and want you to remember – even though you won’t acknowledge – all of the wonderful moments and feelings we have for each other. πŸ™‚ You know they’re there – right in your hearts behind a little closed door, and we know that’s a smile trying to creep onto your face as you recall some thought, word, or memory we shared with love and warmth. It’s okay. Know that we love you and miss you. We will never let you slip from our hearts and thoughts – daily. We hold hope – daily – that you will find the courage and determination to reach out to us as well.

    Looking forward to that day – Love, Grammie and Grampa

  15. September 30, 2010 6:50 pm

    Dear Anthonee, Erin, Triston;

    It’s almost October 1st which marks the beginning of the busy time of year for holidays. Grampa is off to buy our Nutcracker tickets for our annual date. This year is a bit later than usual – December 18th. I am up for front and center loge seats. There is still time to let us know you’d like to go, but it needs to be right away. I know last year Triston loved it as usual, and you each have this permanently in your hearts as something to look forward to. Triston sure looked wonderfully handsome in his Christmas outfit I made for him, don’t you think so? I missed making them for you two Anthonee and Erin.

    It’s only two weeks until we hit Main Street at Magic Kingdom for another of our regular visits to Disney. Are you sure you’re not going? We’ve got our reservations and tickets. It was strange not making your costumes this year. It did allow me so much more time to work on my friend’s dress. We will celebrate your Great Grandparents’ birthdays while we are there – but it’s a surprise for them! Shhh. Don’t forget to wish them each a happy birthday!

    Tomorrow we are headed to the TAG Block Party. Food and music and good company! I’ll let you know how it turns out afterward.

    Tomorrow is October 1st so I will be putting out our pumpkin house and wearing all of my Halloween t-shirts all the way until Halloween. I’m off to pick up some new ones to add to the collection. If you want to go with me – call me.

    We love you and miss you and look forward to a day you rise above all of this when we can revisit our fun traditions. You know you want to. πŸ˜‰

    We love you forever! Grammie

  16. October 12, 2010 10:58 pm

    It’s my birthday! I wondered if I’d hear from you – my dearest Grands – but that is but a daydream these days. I want you to know I love you forever, and wish for you all those wishes that should come true.

    As today comes to a close, know that I thought of you today and realize in my heart that you did the same. πŸ˜‰

    Grandpa gave me the most wonderful day, and but for you company, it is complete. We love you forever. And you know how to reach us.

    Love, Grammie

  17. November 23, 2010 6:22 am

    Dear Anthonee, Erin, and Triston;
    It’s Thanksgiving week and everyone is getting very excited for the holidays. I’m feeling a bit melancholy over having you break away from our traditions for the holiday. Stop and remember all those wonderful things we used to do together that made you smile. Remember how you would beg to come and spend the night before Thanksgiving to visit with our family coming into town? Remember spending all afternoon on Wednesday laughing and cooking in the kitchen with everyone? Then in the evening before bed we would put up all the tables and chairs, and Erin would take the lead in setting the table. Remember how you would fuss over rearranging name cards to see who was sitting with whom? Then we’d get up early to watch the Thanksgiving parade on t.v. while the turkey cooked, get all dressed up and see everyone for dinner – always your Great Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and US! Then it was time for our favorite part – the sand volleyball game! Remember the year the sand was so cold we kept burying our feet? Then it was home for pie and cookies. I love our traditions for our family Thanksgiving, and we sure wish you weren’t missing out on them.

    We love you forever and miss you everyday! I hope you’ll visit your messages here often, and someday think to reach out to us. We’re here, just like always. Love, Grammie

  18. November 26, 2010 7:24 am

    Dear Anthonee, Erin, and Triston,
    I’m off on our annual St. Augustine trip today. The weather has been so wonderful – 80’s and no humidity of pollen. I can’t wait to shop the little boutiques and gift stores. I’m sorry you won’t be there to do your annual family gift shopping. You always have such a good time. I am looking forward to lunch at the Spanish Fort and Pralines for dessert with our coffee.

    There are some new stores I can’t wait to see as well. It’s a shame you aren’t here to enjoy our traditions. Grandpa is going along with us this year as Great Grandma Gray is not here today. As you recall, he usually spends the day with her while we are in St. Augustine. We’ll be thinking of you throughout the day! It promises to be one of the best ones yet and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

    The rest of our weekend will be all about Christmas lights! Grandpa has all of his lights staged and ready to go up on the house. Each year he adds a little extra, and then looks forward to seeing your faces when you first come to see them! I think Sunday night is the night this year! I may have to pick up a couple of evergreens for the front porch as well. It’s such a magical time of year. And Anthonee – your birthday is right around the corner. I hope you have something nice planned.

    We love you forever! Grammie

  19. November 29, 2010 8:06 pm

    Dear Anthonee,

    It’s almost your birthday! I have you on my mind everyday, and with your birthday coming soon, I wonder what you are like today. I imagine the things you loved when you were little and wonder if they still make you smile – like drums and music, drawing, video games, riding bikes, shooting hoops – you were so very good at that!

    What do you dream about for your birthday?

    We are celebrating you with a nice dinner. What are you doing? You’ve blown out the candles on your cake at our house so many times, we must have cake on your birthday. When you blow out the candles where ever you are – I know you’ll think of us for just a moment while we are thinking of you too. Hugs and kisses and birthday wishes full of love from Grampa and I. We love you and miss you every day.

    Remember this, “Love is appreciating, complimenting, feeling gratitude, and speaking good words to others”. It’s almost your birthday Anthonee! We know you are growing up to be an honorable young man. πŸ˜‰

    Love, Grammie

  20. December 4, 2010 2:35 pm

    Dear Anthonee,
    I hope you enjoy your birthday and have many more to follow! We love you and miss you — and I”ll never tire of repeating myself. Love, Grammie and Grampa.

  21. December 17, 2010 10:34 am

    Dear Grands,
    We’re deep into the Christmas season but it seems very strange and less magical without your participation. We curtailed many of our traditional plans because they were truly centered on you and you and you. πŸ™‚ We are still having such a nice time and wish you could be here to enjoy them too. This weekend is our Nutcracker weekend! We are all going to the ballet as always. I’ve given your tickets to your Great Grandparents and Grandpa. Your Dad is going too. Instead of our traditional brunch, we’ll have dinner here. I’ve gotten the cutest nutcrackers to surprise each of them with – their mementos of our date. I made myself a Christmas dress this year for a change! In the evening we are going to our neighborhood Christmas outdoor party complete with fire pits, hot chocolate, marshmallows, caroling AND a Santa parade! It’s a change from taking you up to Georgia to see all of your cousins. They say hello and Merry Christmas too!

    I’ve made your ornaments for this year and will hang them on our tree. You’ll be able to see pictures of them on our Flickr page. We will keep them for you until we see you again. I hope your Christmas season is looking nice for you. We miss you, and wish you could be here for those wonderful traditions we’re held for so many years. Enjoy your holiday break! Love, Grammie.

  22. December 26, 2010 11:25 pm

    Happy Boxing Day Anthonee, Erin, and Triston! We sure missed you throughout this Christmas weekend. It just isn’t the same without you. And on top of it, Uncle Cory is all the way in San Francisco – so we kept it quiet and nice. We hope your Christmas was nice. Ours was. πŸ™‚

    Santa was very good to each of us. I had a whole lot of fun with Grandpa’s gifts! We slept in on Christmas morning this year, then got up to Christmas lights, hot chocolate, and Christmas music playing while we opened presents. The day was a nice, lazy one while we enjoyed our new toys. We had a wonderful Christmas dinner with your Dad and shared stories of our favorite times together. Lot’s of love and laughter filled our evening. Wish you were here. I was disappointed to not hear from you. I have confidence that will change in time. We look forward to it.

    We had lots of fun shopping for Angels your age in your honor and out of respect for your previous requests. I’m sure you would be pleased with what they received. Be sure to let Triston know Aunt Cassie has a little gift from us for him! We know he’ll like it. (We trust you are in the area…)

    We got up early this morning to drive up and see your Great Grandma Gray. She was excited to see us, and shared her pictures of you with us. It’s amazing to see how much you’ve changed since we last saw you so long ago. We are pleased she heard from you. I hope you are becoming the fine young man and young woman we always envision and hope for – and you too our darling Triston! We love you forever and miss you everyday!

    Now we have the New Year upon us. We are off to a formal celebration with the symphony and fireworks for New Years Eve – Grampa is wearing his tux! Oh la la!!

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with all of your love and hugs! We look forward to hearing from you. Love, Grammie and Grampa

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